Michael Hoffman
Director of Scary Tales

Lights, camera, action isn't all it's cracked up to be. There's much more to filmmaking.

Of course, like any art, film can be interpreted many different ways. One's first solo project is a groundbreaking event, and hence, I'm about to tell of mine.

For starters, any idiot can make a movie. Maybe not necessarily a good one, but it is possible for anyone. I am a nobody who became…well, hell - I'm still a nobody. But I'm a nobody with a completed project. What's the old expression? "It's better to be a real nobody with a completed film than a fake somebody without one"…or something like that. (If you chuckled at that terrible anecdote, than my film will be right up your alley)

Money is important. Of course, I'm broke. Figures. The one thing I need. Now, I did somehow (God help me) manage to secure $30,000 in credit cards for my first project. Of course, it would also be wise to mention that by the end, only $2,000 was actually seen on screen. I'll come back to that later.

Now, let me jump back in time for a moment. Yes, I did major in film. Yes, I took all the college courses. Of course, these are not as important as "having a good eye". Unfortunately, I wear thick glasses and am damn near blind, but you get the point. It's great to pay a university and college to learn about the "crosshatch rule," "rule of thirds," "horizon vectors" and all the other goodies - or, you could just study film (even your favorite movies - as long as they're competent) and learn that way. I did both. The education route and the film studying route. People look at me oddly when I approach them and say "I learned all I know about filmmaking from carefully breaking down Ed Wood pictures." Well, I guess I have bad taste.

January 2001 - $30,000 on cards ready to blow. What a mistake. I must note I am young - at the time, I was 21. I know what you're thinking - "Wow. A 21-year-old with $30,000 in cards". And no - I didn't charge up 6,000 cases of Schlitz. I ordered all the equipment necessary to have my own little film studio. Lights, tripod (an expensive, "professional" one), camera (the Canon XL1 - my camera of choice), filters, boom microphone, editing software, after-effects programs, extra hard drives, etc. Now, I'm ready to film - HOLD ON! I just spent all $30,000!!! Damnit!

February 2001 - Time to pick a project. You ever hear the old expression "know who your friends and enemies are"? Well, what happens if you're like me - your best friend is also your worst enemy? Disaster. I'll explain later.

Later February 2001 - I have a birthday. Oh, thank you. I appreciate the kind words.

March 2001 - Well, the camera's been sitting in it's box for well over a month. I'd better do something with it. Here's where that "my best friend…worst enemy" comes into play. Bill Casinelli (imagine that duh, duh doooo music when you read that). Okay, Bill came up with the idea to film a short. Hmmm…sounded feasible. Action!

April 2001 - Bill's short is near completion. I asked him to write the script. Of course, if you knew Bill - you'd understand that just means to tell me what'll happen next and I'll film it. A FEW DAYS LATER…Done. The segment's name "Hit and Run". The story centers around a little girl who is playing in the road with her dolly. Of course, her mother sees this and STILL ALLOWS her daughter to sit curbside. I blame her for her daughter's death - as Bill's character runs her over. Of course, he's haunted by the plaything (insert that duh, duh, dooooo music again after reading that line - go on, read it again and do that music - it plays better now, right?). I also must note that this segment contains only one line of dialogue. While it was an experiment to see if 18 minutes without some sort of a curse or profanity would work in a horror film, it was also due to Bill's scriptwriting laziness. (Okay - I admit it - I'm just blaming him because I'm worried you'll hate the segment and send me email death threats. It was up to both of us, damnit)

May 2001 - The idea had already come into play to make the short part of a horror anthology. Bill and I had been kicking ideas for a wraparound story (the connecting thread of any such film). We came up with many. Man visits a fortune teller at a carnival - who turns out to be a past revealer. See, every person that visits would already be dead. Then, the idea for a car lot - where the detailed history of each vehicle is told through story. Failure again. The location would be too hard to secure. Then we tried a novel approach. Bill decided on a vacant job placement center run by a mysterious fellow. It would turn out in the end that the lead character was dead - and ended up there by fate. Bingo…for now. "Warped Realities" was born. Also, each story was to star Bill as the same character - a first for an anthology film (true - Karen Black was is every story in Trilogy of Terror - but played different characters).

Mid-May 2001 - Bill came up with the idea for an astral travel segment. I asked him to write it (as there WOULD BE dialogue this time). Weeks passed. Two days to shooting. Nothing written. I remember screaming "SHIT"! (of course, if Really Scary doesn't allow expletives, I expect to see those #*! symbols replacing the four letter word I just wrote - but you get the idea). I ran home, and typed up the entire script (after researching and finding out what the hell astral travel was). At the time, I remember being a bit pissy toward Bill (like most friends - at some point, every now and then, we try to kill one another), so - the script contained many rude barbs and nasty comments made toward his character - all for laughs. I also attempted to make him pathetic. I believe I've succeeded. Bill named the segment "I Ain't Got No Body". At the same time, I wrote the wraparound "Terminally Unemployed" and changed the ending. Bill's character was no longer to be dead. Though, when we shot the exteriors at the job placement center earlier, I attempted to not film any cars in the reflection (as this would be hell). Talk of wasted effort! The characters Dennis Frye and Mr. Longfellow were born. I had used these names as they're from Don Dohler's 1980 film Fiend. A real fun-bad movie (you know the type - lots of unintentional laughs).

Late-May 2001-- The segment has been shot and completed in six days. We had a location (for once) -- Maggie's Used Books in Jensen Beach Florida (blatant cheap plug). Of course, I could delve into how the first day of shooting was -- the on camera microphone had become unplugged by SOMEONE *ahem* Bill *ahem* who was black-bursting tapes (which allows you to keep a time code for editing purposes - too much film term mumbo jumbo? Sorry - I'll try and keep it down). Though, as I just mentioned, I won't go into the day of shooting without sound.

June 2001 - In one day, we shot the entire wraparound interiors. Joel D. Wynkoop (of Creep, Wicked Games and Dirty Cop No Donut) starred as Mr. Longfellow. It was a long shoot. In fact, Ria Rampersad, who portrays Mr. Longfellow's secretary, was nearly replaced the day of shooting - due to a wooden performance. However, her replacement was WORSE, and she eventually nailed the role.

July 2001 - Bill and I had become promoted at work, so we were training non-stop at 8 a.m.. Unfortunately, we had to shoot "The Death Of…" - which is the only segment I receive sole writing credit for. We did this - somehow - and wrapped the film.

August 2001 - Warped Realities has been replaced by the more marketable (but misleading title) Scary Tales. The soundtrack uses punk-rock music from a band tastefully named Vaginal Croutons. However, Orange Nightmare (that's me!) provided the incidental music (see dad - those years of piano lessons did come in handy!).

September 2001 - The Melbourne Independent Film Festival. Scary Tales was a late entry - and can only be previewed to the audience. I assembled a four minute compilation - containing a full minute of footage from each story. It goes over VERY WELL!

October 2001 - My girlfriend, Lindsay Horgan, who was the lead in "I Ain't God No Body" has a good friend, Meshel, who's into techno music (mixing and what not). We soon replace Vaginal Croutons (thank God - just seeing that name in my credits made me uneasy) with Midwife Crisis (Meshel), techno Goddess. It sets a new tone to the movie. Too late, as it has already sat with some critics.

November 2001 - Bill and I have a falling out - as I have some re-edits to perform. He decides to play video games on the computer. It is his system, understand, but I am more than $33,000 out of pocket. Remember at the beginning, I mentioned only $2,000 is seen on screen - well, that's how. More than $30,000 went to equipment. The rest of the money went to hotel rooms, food, gas, tapes, etc. This was a 'no budget' production (after the equipment, of course).

December 2001 - My new friend, Richard Cecere (director of Again and Again and Christian Soldiers) offers to buy a new computer that I can use when necessary. I accept the conditions and terms - which is to edit his latest film as payment.

Late December 2001 - After many arguments, conflicting time schedules, and violence - Bill agrees to do the necessary re-shoots. It is a 3 day opus, which really strengthens the film. We added gore, new scary scenes, and re-shoots in "frame mode" (which changes the frame rate so the movie looks like 16mm films) for the shots I couldn't "film-look".

January 2002 - Done. "Scary Tales" is complete. After numerous versions, dozens of sleepless nights, re-edits and re-shoots, IT IS OVER. The problems - music, lack of film look, lack of gore, lack of nudity - have all been taken care of. The film now plays as a solid throwback to the heyday of anthologies - the '80s. I'd like to take the time to thank the entire cast and crew for making it all happen. Without you, Scary Tales would be nothing.

February 2002 - "Scary Tales 2: The Return of Mr. Longfellow" begins filming - this is, however, a whole other story.

So, in the end - there were no champagne bottle openings. No cast and crews cheering. No huge premiere party. After all, how big is the whole production when one man (me) acts as director, co-writer, producer, editor, director of photography, lighting technician, visual effects editor, make-up effects artist, sound man, and provider of incidental music? Not that big - I can tell you that.

Scary Tales did, however, have the honor of playing three big-screen shows at the 2002 Palm Beach Gardens Independent Film Festival in March, which was attended by R.G., the webmaster of www.terrorville.com (who also kindly built the Scary Tales official website). Thanks for coming down and supporting the independent film scene!

The bottom Line - I did it my way. And plan to do it again. This is the story of Michael A. Hoffman, director of Scary Tales.

For Scary Tales information; including photos, sound clips, scenes, cast/crew info and trailers, please visit scarytalesthemovie.com. To order, visit b-movie.com.