Ed Neal, best know and beloved by horror fans as the bizarro and scary "Hitchhiker" from Tobe Hooper's seminal 1974 film "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is, in fact, one of the funniest human being on the planet. Ed graciously took some time out of his busy schedule to talk with us and it was like talking to Robin Williams, only funnier and more manic. He's appearing in Nick Palumbo's "Murder-Set-Pieces" as The Good Samaritan and will also soon be seen in Dante Tomaselli's "Satan's Playground," and there are rumors he and fellow "TCM" castmates Gunnar Hansen, Marilyn Burns and John Dugan will all be teaming up in JimmyO's sequel to his "TCM" homage, "Chainsaw Sally." But let's hear it straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak...

Ed Neal with some BBQ in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Ed Neal: As I’m only visiting your planet, I’ll try and be in my briefs…(..uh…haven’t quite mastered your lanquid age yet..)

I’m the son of an itinerant Pudd-sticker. We naturally thought there would be a need for this on THIS planet because we ‘Googled’ that job description and found absolutely NO entries..so..hell..we came right on down..

After becoming very despondent over not being able to find work…Dad drank hisself to death with a Draino Cocktail and I’s out on my own.

I asked a bunch of Earth People what was the easiest work on this planet to make a lot of money quickly… and they said it fell into 3 categories:

a. Being a Hooker in D.C.

b. An actor

c. Angelina Jolie’s ‘Attention-Getting Consultant’

Well.. I knew NOTHING of this ‘Hooking’ that Earth people seem to be hung up on..I for one..just don’t understand what all the fuss over Navajo rugs is really all about..

..and on my planet we’ve outlawed ‘collagen’…so the Jolie thing was out..

..and then when I heard you could get paid a tremendous amount of money for ‘acting stupid’..even if you actually WERE…I knew I’s onta sumpin’!!!

RS: Tell us how you came to be involved in Nick Palumbo’s “Murder-Set-Pieces”?

EN: Well….Nickie’s Unc…Salimo Manucci over at da Flamingo..was holdin’ a certain..uh..’marker’…and to ..uh..’settle’…the account and keep my legendary scones..uh..intact…I..uh…graciously accepted the young Palumbo’s ..uh..’invite’…to join him in the desert to make da movies..

As Mr. Manucci put it so aptly..

“Eddie..a.. wise ..choice..”

RS: What was it about the script or Nick Palumbo or whatever that attracted you to this film?

EN: Hmmm..I’m almost certain it was the ‘Thousand Dollar Voucher…Ask for “Bambi” at the Tropicana”

RS: I heard it took a while to film your scenes as you just kept cracking everyone up. Would you say you’re a natural-born comedian?

EN: Wellllll…seein’ as the alternative was..uhh..’still-born’…I’d say…lookin’ back..I made the right choice!!

RS: What was it like working with then 10-year old Jade Risser?

EN: TEN!!!!!!!!!...
TEN!!!!!!!!!!! Oh sweet Jesus!!!
GET ME BOBBY IN LEGAL QUICK !!!!!!!!!!!

RS: How would you describe your experience working for relatively new director Nick Palumbo?

EN: My kinda guy!!!! Kid’s got a great Future.

I knew this kid had ‘IT’…when one day on the set..he was late…this ’79 Deville Convertible comes roarin’ up to the set…two Amazonian women w/ torn ‘Hooter’s ‘ t’s on, dump him outta the back seat onto the curb right in front of his lady..

He staggers up to his girlfriend who’s been waiting patiently for HOURS.

Nick is REEKING of vodka and he’s COVERED in Pink Frosse lipstick from one end of him to the other and his FLY IS…OPEN…

Just as the two bimbo’s in the Caddy peel out..

Nick reaches over and SLAPS his girlfriend on the ass and sez..

‘YOU’RE NEXT’..

…I wept…

RS: Correct me if I am wrong, but in the end credits, there is a “thank you” from the director to “Ed” for his “kick-ass” car (I’m sorry but I forgot the model). Was that your own car you used in your scenes with Jade? And great duds you wore too.

EN: Nooooooooooo…that car belonged to one of Vegas’s ‘Finest’…

..hey..Nick’s no dummy…you want ‘permits’ for a midnight shoot…rent a policeman’s car..(true story)

(young film-maker’s ..DON’T try this at home..Nick is a PROFESSIONAL…uh..AND he has that whole Mr. Manucci connection thang goin’..)

RS: Have you had any negative backlash because you appeared in this “controversial” film?

EN: The only ‘negative backlash’ I’ve EVER had was when I got my dates MIXED due to a certain misunderstanding with my cold medicine..

(young film-makers…more hints: NEVER DRINK CUERVO W/ A STRANGER..THROUGH A STRAW….you’re just gonna have to trust me on this one..)

…and I had put on my ‘crotch-less’ leather thong and my ‘hard-hat’ and my white go-go boots and came out of the cake to surprise 69yr old Merlie Ferlman of Poughkeepsie for her birthday..

..unfortunately..

....I was at Sol Rubenstein’s daughter’s bat mitzvah in the Hampton’s….

RS: Are you aware of all the negative publicity the film has been generating, from people who haven’t even seen it? What would you say to all of that? And what would you tell people about “Murder-Set-Pieces” who haven’t seen the film yet?

EN: Welll…gotta go with my ‘standard’ line here…

‘Y'ALL GOTTA GET OUT MORE…’

I mean..Boy Howdy..is THIS all they’ve got to be upset about…

Lemme tie their eyes open for about 2hrs of CNN and maybe they can get SOME sort of perspective that you just GOTTA save you energy for the ..uh..more important things..

..as Johnny Ramone always tole me..

‘Eddie…don’t sweat the petty stuff..

And DON’T pet the sweaty stuff…’

(young film-makers..are ya trackin’???)

RS: Your last line, to Jade, is priceless. Did Nick Palumbo write that or was that improvised?

EN: Dunno…all my dialogue I heard was dubbed by one of the film’s backers…

RS: Did you get to see your old friend, Gunnar Hansen, at all during the shoot although none of you were in Las Vegas for more than a few days to do your specific scenes?

EN: No..and that’s the pity…lol…was told that the Vegas Chamber of Commerce cut a deal w/ Nick NOT to have us both in town at the same time…

..something about not being able to spare that many extra security people at the ‘Young Ladies of the Immaculate Short Skirt’ Catholic school…I didn’t get the whole thing..

RS: Were you able to meet fellow horror legend, Tony Todd?

EN: Luckily I had seen our esteemed colleague at some Sci-Fi shows…

..but sure wish I could have had some scenes on screen with him..that woulda been totally fun..

RS: What projects are on the near horizon for Ed Neal? You do a lot of voice-over work and I read you were chosen for inclusion in “The World’s Greatest Commercials” (congrats!). Do you still do commercial voice-overs as well?

EN: The most ‘wonderful’ thing about being Shit-soo-frenetic

Is that you get to ‘make up’ who you are at any moment in time..

..and it reallllly works out great if you’re in a studio at the time and you’re pretending to be a 5 story talking Sloth!!!!...

..see to me..that’s totally ‘normal’…

Just doing over 15 voices in ‘GATCHAMAN’ the old ‘Battle of the Planets’ series…doing amongst others…’Berg Katse’ the lead villain..

..man is THAT fun..

1st 3 vols just hit the stores this past week and is doin’ gang-busters!!!

RS: I have read that you somehow managed to snag the apron Gunnar Hansen wore as “Leatherface”. I know you’ve been asked this a million times, but briefly, how was the experience of filming “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” for you (aside from the hideous heat)?

EN: I usually say…”uh…I moved troops in ‘Nam easier..”…and it’s STILL TRUE. (Hey..you asked for the ‘short version’…)

RS: Are you still amazed at the popularity and influence this “little movie from Texas” has had? And what did you think of the 2003 “remake”?

EN: Uh..are you referring to the ‘90210 CGI Version’??? Yasss..well..I think that about covers it..

I am amazed…and the latter film had nothing to do with ‘our’ film…so it’s rutabagas and kumquats..

RS: One question that I have always wondered about – that “birthmark” The Hitchhiker has. How, in that awful heat and humidity, did the makeup folks manage to keep it ON your face?

EN: Lol..lol…that wasn’t the HARD part…the hardest part was keeping it on the CORRECT side of the face…

..both the make-up lady and I are dyslexic..and we kept staring at the Polaroids of the previous day’s shoot and putting the birth-mark on the wrong side..

(..remember the lesson of the Cuervo??..repeat it here…)

RS: I was saddened to hear of the passing of your “TCM” co-star, Paul Partain, as well as the amazing production designer, Bob Burns. Do you still try to have reunions with your remaining “TCM” cast mates? And do you ever see Tobe Hooper anymore? Gunnar Hansen indicated he had not.

EN: You’ll step a many steps before you’ll meet the likes of those two GENTLE men…I learned a lot from them just as people…as well as creative forces…

Unfortunately…Mr. Hooper owes me and my six kids sooooooooooooooooooooooooo much friggin’ money..that my legal people won’t let me even be in the same TOWN w/ him ‘cause I tend to go on an instant scavenger hunt for a workin’ chainsaw…

We do still have reunions all the time..Mr. G…Marilyn and I just had the most fun you can have without it leaving a mark…in Nashville at the lst Sci-Fi Horror / Tattoo Festival…

…it’s all in Mr. G’s book…(along w/ some realllly interesting…uh..’candid’ shots..)

RS: How does it feel for you to think that you may be remembered forever as “The Hitchhiker”?

EN: Well.. I do appreciate THAT..and it feels reaallllyy good..make no mistake..

..but as great as that feeling is…there’s one that’s even better.

..that’s being remembered by my family as having given the world 6!!! Of it’s greatest people…my kids..

..city planners (Phoenix)…macro-biotic cooks (Austin)…brilliant actesses (29th st. Rep in NYC..)

…world-humanitarians (Boston)…Fantastic Dancers …incredible Singers (NC)..

I’ve been blessed more times than a Pope that just won the Lottery…

RS: Do you attend many horror conventions and, if so, what is the fan reaction like for you?

EN: I do so much like to do conventions…the entire week-end is built on the public’s HAPPY memories…and it just transfers right over..

I’ve saved a FORTUNE on drugs…whenever I wanted to get “HIGH”..

..I just sat at a table and waited a few minutes for sweet people to drop by and say ‘hey’!!..works every time!!

Samples:

“…this is the ONLY film we EVER REALLY WATCHED AT THE DRIVE-in!!!”

“…wow…I was like outta Metamucil..but you did the trick ..you scared the SHIT outta me, Dude..!!!”

“…you’re the reason I didn’t pick up a hitch-hiker for 13 years”..(told me by a 6’3” Texas State Trooper)

RS: You are back in Austin, or so I’ve heard. Do you ever revisit what remaining “TCM” film sites there are?

EN: Yess….the ‘house’ has been moved to Marble Falls and is a Restaurant now!! We go up for great gatherings there…Alamo DraftHouse has 50 ft screens and we show the film outdoors..

with..lol..

Of course…

what else….

(wait for it………)

….BBQ@@!!

RS: What are your favorite horror movies?

1.) Andy Bad News Bears (original)

2.) Warhol’s 23hr ‘Sleep’

3.) Ishtar

RS: Favorite horror novels?

1.) Clinton of the Girl Scouts

2.) Sensitivity Training Manual - Imelda Marcus

3.) Weapons of Mass Erection -John Holmes

RS: What is something you would like people to know about Edwin Neal that they might not?

EN: That I am NOT guilty of ‘dreaming’ about Jennifer Connelly EVERY SINGLE NIGHT !!!

…(Tuesday is Jennifer Aniston night…)

RS: Is there anything you would like to add that I didn’t cover in this interview. Here’s your chance…

EN: Travel Safe, my chilluns…and Fast Eddie thanks you from the top of my heart for a life filled with your laughter and smiles…with the closeness of good friends…and with that hard-eight I hit at the Dunes with a G on the backline in Nov of ’92…the night ‘Old Vegas’ died.…

Boat-Drinks for all..

..see ya on the set..

Peace, I’m out…